Updated: Jan 14
When a wife no longer feels as though she is your desire, she looks, maybe not aggressively at first, but still, seeks for some semblance of the look in the eyes of when she WAS your desire. Women never forget that. Whichever face hold those eyes and that look, she is drawn to, and a heart that was once serenaded and carefully tended to by her husband becomes a derelict garden that yearns to be nourished and nurtured, and tries to find that nourishment by spending less and less time with the one who once held her heart and the one with eyes that once held that look.
The lesson: Keep the gaze alive. Keep her your desire. Carefully tend to her heart so nothing else draws her but the love and look her husband demonstrates, even from across a crowded room and over the noises of everyday life.
TO HER. ABOUT HIM.
When a woman is so independent that the man feels he is no longer needed, it goes counter to his innate desires to protect and provide. If a wife can carry on without her husband, if he remains to her unmissed, he is left idle and his purpose injured. It may come out in times spent in a hobby, an unbalanced scale that speaks of enjoyment without you, his wife. Although it is healthy to have separate interests, take care in making your devotion for each other paramount over time and activity spent apart. You can lose each other in this. It can happen slowly and carelessly. There is a way, wives, to maintain all your beautiful independent spirit and workings of your mind, while still showing your man he is needed, loved and respected by you. It is in time spent that value is perceived. In that time, the sweet whisperings of a wise wife speaking love and appreciation can so fill a man's cup that he will give you and make you his world.
The lesson: You, his wife, have become part of his purpose. You must allow him to fulfill that purpose and become the man God has called him to be. Look for ways to affirm him and communicate your need and desire for him.
TO THEM. ABOUT THEM.
A woman needs to be wanted and a man wants to be respected. When either of those needs go unmet, a woman and a man adapt, dismiss, and adjust with resistance to the unmet needs in ways that can be detrimental to a marriage relationship. Unmet expectations never end well and become the seed of disappointment in relationships. A woman may pretend she is OK, but will look to be needed somewhere, and a husband will look to be respected elsewhere. Wives and husbands, study your spouse. Any change in behavior, something that would suggest having more distance between you can be an indicator of a need for a reset. A reset can be a time to reminisce, remember, relive what put your hearts aflutter at the very beginning. It is helpful to tap into the memories of your young love. A reset can be an unexpected kindness that is done wholeheartedly without any need of reciprocation. Resets can take longer than others, depending on how far you've allowed your hearts to close and how progressive the hardening of your hearts have been. Other resets are short, needing just a reassuring word or a hug or a distraction-free night out alone celebrating your love. Whatever it is, do it. Invest. Focus. Your marriage is worth fighting for.
The lesson: Remember your covenant before God and to each other. Consider the solemnness of the moment you said, "I do!" If the struggle to regain the emotion is real, ACT like it's real, emotions will tend to follow. I know this is a controversial statement but I find that actions can lead the heart.
TO THEM. ABOUT GOD.
So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore, what God has joined together, let no one separate.” - Matt. 19:6 AMP
Maintaining a happy marriage is hard work. Keeping a marriage secure without Jesus as the center, is next to impossible. The Creator of marriage is fighting for you! When it seems like there's no hope... Trust God. When you both have given up... Trust God. There is no shame in having marital conflict. When iron sharpens iron, sparks are sure to fly. Isn't God bigger than it all? Yes. Can He lift every ache that wrong choices have brought? Yes. Can He restore love that was lost. Yes. In fact, He gives new love, deeper love. Life, love, and marriage can be messy for sure. It can also be one of God's greatest blessings. God is the Fixer of all things broken and He will resurrect, restore, and reconfirm His covenant when you choose to let Him. Please do.
Disclaimer: Not professional advice, just personal observations. Married 37 years. Different results for different people yet God is always the same.